The guy I told you about is trying to hook up with me. What should I do? November 20, 2009

You told me about this guy in one of the comments on my page, so let’s look at his qualifications:

• He seems to go out with girls for physical reasons and not much else.
• He’s willing to date more than one girl at once.
• He can’t even remember your name but acts infatuated with you.

They’ve got a name for a guy like this. He’s a player, a tool.

 

The next time he gives you dreamy eyes, be stand-offish. That’s where he makes eyes at you, but you just shrug your shoulders, as if to say, “Eh, whatever.”

 

It sounds like he’s enjoying the game. I advise you to end the game for the simple reason that it’s clearly making you nuts. The world is full of interesting people. Why spend time worrying about someone who falls short of the mark?

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. Thanks for this question, Country Boy Lover.

How can I avoid getting too obsessed with a boy? November 19, 2009

infatuation (in fach’oo ay shun) vt. 1 to make foolish; cause to lose sound judgement  2 completely carried away by foolish or shallow love or affection

 

Listen to upbeat music, not sadsy-waadsy stuff.

What you need is a Band-Aid on your judgement call. Two things can help a lot:

1. A trusted friend who can pull you back to reality whenever you float ominously toward Cloud Nine.
2. A hobby that takes your mind off things—-er, I mean, takes your mind off him. Obsess about something else! A good book, a club like 4-H, an after-school class like jujitsu, or even NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It’s as simple as replacing one obsession with another.

 

Truthfully, most guys prefer a girl with interests of her own, a girl with confidence in her own individual identity. You don’t have to share every single hobby you have, to be compatible with a guy. Be yourself. Do your own thing. If you do, I’d bet your crush will like you even more for your independence and uniqueness.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. Again, thank you, Dunya, for your straightforward questions!

If a boy stops talking to me, what is the reason? November 18, 2009

I’m not sure which linguistic sociologist came up with this little factoid, but people say men use 2,000 words per day, while women use 7,000 words per day. I’d like to add my own little hypothesis to this theory. I think men think about saying stuff, but don’t say it. Then later, they complain, “I thought I told you to take care of that!” And they get all crabby about it, as if they’d said it aloud and you had deliberately disregarded their instructions.

 

Obnoxious.

 

Here’s a sample dinner table scenario (a character’s thoughts are in Italics):

 

DAD: “I really like that new horseradish sauce you’ve been buying.” I sure wish you’d put some on the table, so I can have it on my friggin’ steak.

MOM: [nods head in Dad's direction] So how was your day at school today, Danielle?

DAUGHTER: I made a pink and purple polka-dotted dinosaur out of duct tape for science, and then a boy made me cry when he called my duct-tape-o-saurus a booger head, so I told the teacher. She didn’t do nothing about it, so now I hate my stupid teacher and that big dumb boy. I wish zombies would eat him, that horrible blue-footed boobie!

MOM: [nods at daughter] That’s lovely dear. How about you, Freddie?

SON: Oh crap. She interrupted my mental instant replay from today’s basketball game. What was the question? Maybe I’ll just give her a generic response and see if that works. Um… fine?

MOM: [nods head in son's direction] Wonderful. I spent the day cleaning our toilets and making this lovely pot roast. Not at the same time, of course. I wouldn’t want you to die of e-coli. I mean, if I cleaned the toilet and then made you food, you’d all be sitting on the crapper with a bucket in your hand so you could puke your guts out while you swish the contents of your meal down your bowels. Not a pleasant thought at dinner time, is it dears? So first I cleaned the toilets, then I—-

DAD: [shouting] Where in the &8$%@!!!! is my horseradish?

 

Sum Totals:

• Females = 164 words
• Males = 19 words

Hmm… Let’s see. If a boy stops talking to you, what could the reason be?

 

My first guess is, he’s thinking harder. Maybe he likes you. Maybe you make him nervous. It seems like a lot of guys clam up when they’re nervous.

 

So my answer to your question is this: maybe he’s not talking because… he’s a guy. It’s just a thought. I wouldn’t make too much out of a guy who doesn’t talk to you. I kind of think that’s just how they are. The big disappointment is that once a guy’s ready to break up with you, he’s probably not going to have a lot to say about that either. We females don’t get it, but that’s the communicative difference between males and females. So don’t read too much into his silence, but once he does decide to speak, listen.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. I’d like to thank Dunya for this question.

When does New Moon come out? November 17, 2009

I’m assuming you mean the movie, not the celestial orb, right? Last I heard, the movie, New Moon, starring Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, and Rob [hot as a red pepper in August] Pattinson comes out in theaters on Friday, November 20th.

 

If you’re planning a New Moon party, check out my old post on New Moon party ideas, where you can download my New Moon party planner for free.

 

You’re welcome to leave comments on any of the following:

• What you thought of the movie (try to avoid spoilers).
• What you thought of the book (same).
• Anything Stephenie Meyers.

See y’all in the theaters!

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. Lots of kids at school are asking me this question; that’s why I posted it.

 

p.s. For all you eighth grade girls at our school, guess what came in the mail yesterday… My autographed picture of Rob! Nee-ner-nee-ner!

What kind of dog should I get? November 16, 2009

Personally, I prefer three-legged dogs. My dog has three legs, and I love her just the way she is. Let me tell you why this is a not a canine handicap, but rather, a major bonus:

• She can’t dig up my garden.
• She can’t get in the trash cans and spread garbage everywhere.
• She stays on our property because walking is just too dang much work.

I think everyone should have three-legged dogs. My next dog will be a three-legged dog. I mean, it’s not like I plan to amputate my next dog’s leg. There are always three-legged dogs out there to be found. Put in a request at the animal shelter. The people working there will look at you funny, like “What the….?” But who cares. Somebody will eventually drop off a three-legged dog, thinking they’re putting the animal out of its misery, when in fact they’re robbing the world of a perfectly good dog. And right at that moment—-you jump in and save the little critter. Aren’t you nice?

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. I’d like to thank Google for this question.

Who won the writing contest? November 13, 2009

Happy National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day everyone!

In honor of National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day, I held a story-writing contest about a week ago. I’ve looked through all the entries, and the winner is…

MARY!

Congratulations, Mary! I sent you an email. If you’re interested in receiving the prize, the YA book Dragon’s Blood, by Jane Yolen, just send me a mailing address via email. If you don’t care about the prize, just enjoy gloating.

 

Here’s the winning story:  I reached to the back of the fridge and grabbed the square container that held a substance resembling my fuzzy slippers. I decided it would be best not to open it, as the last indefinable contents attacked me. Martha’s solidified crabapple jam and stinky gorgonzola quickly met the trashcan.

 

What a fun way to use “fuzzy”, and I loved the way you said, “stinky gorgonzola quickly met the trashcan”! Super conclusion!

 

We need to do another story-writing contest like this one again!!!

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes.

How can you tell if someone is lying? November 11, 2009

There’s a trick that’s used by moms, dads, teachers, and courtroom judges. I’m not sure I should put it out there in Cyberspace for kids to find out about, because by doing so, I might be shooting myself in the foot. You see, I use it in my classroom all the time. I use it with my own kids too. And let me tell you…

IT WORKS.

You watch what their eyes do when they’re talking to you. Ask them to repeat the statement a couple of times. What are you watching for? Unless the person is a pathological liar, mentally ill, or has autism—-and I’m not trying to be funny or make fun of anybody here; those are really the people who are automatically disqualified from this test—-unless one of those stipulations is true, a liar won’t be able to look you in the eye when he/she makes a false statement. If you ask them to repeat the statement, each time they look away, it’s confirmation that they’re probably lying to you.

 

When you try this, make sure they’re not distracted by things like a cell, computer, or TV screen. That throws a wrench into the test.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes.

What’s a good retro movie to watch? November 10, 2009

• Sci-fi—-I recommend Blade Runner starring Harrison Ford. It’s freakishly believable, but I think it’s probably Rated R (Restricted) for violence and some naughty content. My parents let me see it as a teenager, though, and I thought it was the bomb.
• Fantasy—-My favorite movie of all time is The Princess Bride. It’s not exactly fantasy (not like Sinbad and Conan movies are fantasy), but it sort of fits into that category.
• Action/Adventure—-You can’t go wrong with Sean Connery as James Bond. He was the best bond ever.
• Romance—-My favorite retro romance is Love Story (I’ve read the book nine times). The cinematography is crusty and old, but the story is genuinely wonderful. If you decide to read the book, be warned that the language can be a little graphic for younger kids.
• Comedy—-I realize Halloween’s over now, but a very funny retro movie is called Young Frankenstein and it stars Gene Wilder (the original Willie Wonka). Another one with a little more adult content but similar humor is Blazing Saddles.

Feel free to add your favorites as comments, everyone.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. I’d like to thank Lazy Shades for this question.

How come when I talk to girls on FB or MySpace, they won’t answer me? November 9, 2009

Take a moment to look over your list of friends. Even if you’ve only got a dozen friends, that’s eleven people who WILL talk to you. The real question here is:

Why are you wasting your time on non-communicative females?

 

There are lots of fish in the FB/MySpace sea. Talk to girls with less attitude. Count yourself lucky that you found out what a stuck-up snob she is before you got trapped in an ugly situation with her, like (lord help you) a date or something. Can you imagine?

 

GUY: Would you like to have the halibut or the prime rib?

GIRL: Which is the most expensive item, so I can max out your credit card and then pick at my food like a supermodel the day after Thanksgiving? [Her cell rings. She picks it up and talks to her uppity friend, ignoring GUY altogether.]

GUY: I believe the steak is more expensive. Here, let me order for both of us while you talk on your cell and send frowning pompous glances in my general direction.

WAITRESS: May I take your order?

GUY: Why yes, I’ll have the side order of pimento-stuffed olives because it’s all I can afford after paying for her meal, and my lovely date will have the prime rib with baked potato, Caesar salad, rice pilaf, a Coke and two slices of cheesecake.

WAITRESS: Look at her eenzie weenzie waist. She’s not going to eat all that crap. Why are you paying for it?

GUY: [Shrugs.] She’s hot.

WAITRESS: She’s not even talking to you. Hot schmot. You’re never gonna get any of that action. Just come to grips with reality and move on.

GUY: What time do you get off work?

WAITRESS: Er… Nine. Why?

GUY: I was thinking about going to see a band play tonight. Wanna go?

WAITRESS: Aren’t you on a date with shmoozer-user-loser girl?

GUY: She’s been talking on her cell the whole time you and I are having this conversation. I like you better. You’re for real.

WAITRESS: But I don’t have an eenzie weenzie waist.

GUY: That’s okay. There’s something to be said for a girl who’ll give me the time of day. By the way, what time is it?

WAITRESS: Eight o’clock.

GUY: See?

 

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. I’d like to thank Godzilla for this question.

My parents grounded me from my friend. What are my options? November 6, 2009

I’m going to share a great nugget of Chinese wisdom with you, and you’re probably not going to believe me. Alas, this is the nature of the teenage mind. Are you ready? Can you rise to the challenge? Here’s my unbelievable nugget of wisdom:

 

Confucius say, “Friends can turn from comrade to enemy over time, but your family will be your family ’till the day you die.”

 

With that said, what are your options? You’ve got two choices:

1. Level with your friend OR
2. Skulk around pretending you’re not really ignoring him/her

 

I suggest the first option, because even when the truth hurts, sometimes it takes genuine pain to help us learn and grow. However, when you break the news to your friend, don’t lay blame on him/her. Instead, say things like “Whenever I am around you I make poor choices,” or “Whenever we hang together, I seem to get into trouble,” or “I feel (insert emotion here) after we hang out, and feeling that way isn’t good for me.” The key words here are I and ME. Avoid sounding accusatory by not pointing fingers. Avoid the word YOU and instead use words like I, ME, and sometimes WE.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. Thank you R.C., for honoring me with this question.

What should I get my dad for his birthday? November 5, 2009

Here’s a novel approach: why don’t you just ask him? Dad’s aren’t usually as big on the whole surprise bit as moms are. Most dads prefer something practical to something fancy.

If he does like surprises, try food. A bucket of KFC usually goes over pretty well. So does a pizza. Have it delivered to him at work. That would be cool.

Here’s what not to get him:

• a pair of six-inch spiked heels—-unless your dad also happens to be a cross-dresser
• a collection of tear-jerker movies from Hallmark Hall of Fame—-unless your dad also happens to be a cross-dresser and very feminine
• a sequin Elvis costume with a Lady Godiva wig—-unless your dad also happens to be a feminine cross dresser who works in Vegas

So that’s pretty much all I have to say about cross-dressers’—-I mean dads’—-birthdays.

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes.

What can I do about a friend who steals from me? November 4, 2009

Here are a few ideas:

1. confront her loudly in the lunch room at school
2. break off the friendship
3. call the cops
4. call her a pink flamingo in seven different languages
5. flip her the bird
6. steal her stuff
7. tar and feather her
8. encourage her to speak to a school counselor

Okaaaay. Now let’s analyze what we have here.

1. Number one will lead to a food fight. Not very ladylike.
2. Number two is a possibility, but I recommend you save that one as a last resort if nothing else works.
3. Calling the cops? Now that’s dramatic. I don’t think the cops are going to give a crap if all she did was steal your Chapstick though. If she stole your Mini Cooper, then yes. Please go there.
4. Is “pink flamingo” a pseudonym for something anatomical? Because I don’t get it.
5. Bird flipping usually leads to hard feelings. If that’s the effect you’re looking for, just make sure you’re a good 100 feet away and surrounded by close friends who are all built like Michael Phelps, okay? Otherwise, she may come after you.
6. Steal her stuff? I thought her behavior was unacceptable? If so, why would you imitate her? That’s stupid. Now you’re just as bad as she was. Don’t be a bonehead.
7. Do you even know what tar is? And where are you going to get a big bag of feathers? Do you know anyone who plucks chickens? Are you friends with Big Bird? If you do know someone who plucks chickens, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. That’s unexpected.
8. I think I like number eight the best. If she won’t speak to a school counselor, then level with her and let her know that your friendship is at risk. Put the stipulation on your friendship: you’ve got a problem, my friend, and if you don’t do something about it, our friendship will slowly disintegrate.

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. I’d like to thank Lazy Shades for this question.

If a guy kisses me at a party, does it mean we’re hooking up? November 3, 2009

You’re a girl. He’s a guy. Chances are, he likes you. After all, he liked you enough to kiss you, right?

But don’t rush things.

If you’re too pushy at this early stage, you will most likely scare him off. Guys like to feel like they’re in charge in a relationship. The more you corner them, the more likely they are to run like a bat outta you-know-where-I’m-talkin’-about.

 

Not only guys, but some girls too, like to kiss for the instant gratification. It feels good. ‘Nuff said. Looking back, you might be wishing you’d given this guy a chance to really get to know you beforehand, rather than just making lip contact.

 

So keep your fingers crossed and try to just be yourself the next time you’re around him (even if that’s a shy self–not like the kissy-face girl he made out with the other night). If he decides you’re more than just a pretty face to pucker up to, then what the heck? He might decide he’s ready to hook up. If not, chalk this one up as a lesson learned. Next time dangle the carrot in front of his face a little longer before you let him kiss you. That way he can get to know the real you—-the person inside—-before things get even just a little bit physical.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. Thanks for this question, Dunya.

Are you ready for another contest? November 2, 2009

You may be unaware that November 15th is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day! Hooray! Yippee! And all the people said, “Amen, brothuhs and sistuhs!”

So in honor of National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day, I’m holding a writing contest. The winner will receive a copy of Dragon’s Blood by Jane Yolen. (FYI, Jane Yolen is one of my favorite childrens’ and YA authors. There’s a link to her page in my links column.) To win the contest, you’ll have to write me a story and submit it as a comment to this post.

Here are the rules:

• The story must be only 50 words long. (Less is allowed, but NO MORE!)
• The story must include the words crabapple, slippers, gorgonzola, and indefinable.
• The story must be about cleaning out an old lady’s refrigerator.
• The story must be humorous.
• By submitting this story, you forfeit any rights to the story itself, knowing full well that I intend to include it in the pages of one of my novels. [Author vainly raises her eyebrows twice, at her own craftiness...]
• If you win this contest, you must give me your snail mail address (a PO box is fine or a parent’s work address is a good idea too—-practice Internet safety, kids). Therefore, please be sure your parents know about this contest and approve of your involvement in it.
• Your story must be submitted before Friday, November 6th.
• Be aware that your story will be re-posted on this page, on National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day.

Sorry everyone… The contest ended on Friday, November 6th at 11:59 PM.

You’re welcome to submit a story for everyone to enjoy reading, but the contest is over. A winner will be announced next week.

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes. A big thank you to fellow YA author, Susan Adrian, for this brilliant idea.

What should I be for Halloween? October 30, 2009

Out of costume ideas? Try these:

• Avoid the costume altogether, and when someone walks up and asks, “What are you supposed to be?” say, “Well I was the invisible man until you came along. Thanks a lot! You blew my cover!”
• Dress like a vampire and carry a windshield wiper blade or squeegee around with you. In a sinister voice, tell people, “I’m the vindow viper. I vant to vipe your vindows!”
• Cut holes out of a big white plastic bag for your arms and head. Wear the bag like a shirt. Use safety pins to attach chunks of potato peelings, plastic candy wrappers, and stained diapers to the bag. You’re white trash.
• Paint splatter an old apron and some 1960’s clothes. Stuff paint brushes in your apron pocket and behind one ear. Add a short white-haired wig, like an old woman would wear, and you’re Andy Warhol.
• Borrow people’s watches and stop watches. Wear them on wrists, attached to your shoes, around your waist, around your neck, etc… Be Father Time.
• Wear a rainbow fro wig. Tell everyone you’re the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

This blog is written and monitored by Mechelle Fogelsong: author of novels for young adults, mother of two, talented English teacher, vain braggart who likes to be in the spotlight, and gatekeeper for Passing Love Notes.